365 days of you. I remember your grand enterance as crisp and clear as the winter mornings we spent walking along the coastlines. We were ready for your to join our world. I remember your father reading enthusiastically out loud from the baby book in the labour ward, the one we never got around to reading. I remember your rhythmical heartbeat as I took a breather in-between contractions.
I remember glancing at the pink strip of paper during the night, looking for signs of non-reassurance or pathology.
I was so ready for the delivery. I’ve seen it countless times before and delivered many myself. I was ready for that needle, that push, that pain, that crescendo contraction. What I wasn’t ready for was your sudden admission to ICU. Nobody prepared me for that. I was overwelmed in tears, I’ve never felt weaker.
Your perinatal period was a whirlwind of us learning how to breastfeed. I spent 7months obsessed about if you were nourished enough. Pumping out en route to work, on calls, postcall when I went back to work. Looking back it was a darker time. Yet so relieved every time you gained a 100g, then another, then another.
When you gave me your first smile, my heart and vision became crystal clear. Since then I’ve seen you blossom exponentially. I’m so much in awe of your interntional curiosity with life and all its peculiar objects. I’m so excited to discover then with you anew.
Being a toddler is like being in love in Paris. Your father and I get to watch you experience all the extremes of emotions within the wink of an eye. I envy that. Living so uninhibitedly. I envy that, every time I need to have difficult conversations with patients, deliver bad news, unintentionally dampen my own Light or suppress my own little victories.
When I’m on call is when I miss you the most. I’m constantly in the race against time, hoping that I won’t miss a beat of you. Miss you discovering a new move, laugh, word, object or emotion. O how I adore seeing your spirit for adventure!
You’ve since flourished into a gracefully curious young lady. Thank you for your endless trust in us, for choosing us. We’ve worked tirelessly to curate a nourishing community for you to grow. Thank you for needing us, I wish you’ll need us so intensely a little longer.
Your father and I will continue cheering you on from the sideline. You’ll chance the world, little Daphne.
All the love
Your mommy
Like mother, like daughter
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