We'll never forget the day baby Daphne left the warm artificial womb of NICU to be discharged to our care. I remember fumbling with the carseat buckles, readjusting her head every two minutes and then finally feeling my heart skip a beat when I thought I didn't see a symmetrical chest rise with her breathing.
Forever glad we got an Isofix installed for the carseat, we unclipped her easily when we got home. I felt bare. It's just us. No pediatrician, no nurse, no staff, no breastfeeding consultants, no family members, just us. I've taken care of many sick children in the hospital before, but now for the first time it's my healthy tiny bundle. I know nothing.
Night one went like a breeze, she adjusted well to the NICU schedule and we tried to recreate it to the last detail. My husband and I took turns through the night - and even did a little high five dance the next morning when we realized we survived.
The rest of the week took its toll on us.
In surgery - you're used to being on call 7 to 8 times a month - meaning you are the go-to surgeon for your region for a full 36+ hours. You'll spend that whole time operating, in theater, taking consults, seeing clinic patients, managing sick trauma patients.
So for the first 3 nights being ''on call'' for my own was a refreshing change. I managed well.
But by the 4th night the sleep deprivation really set in and I had to work on a mindset shift. Adrenalin can only bring you so far and I need to prepare for this caffeine deprived marathon ahead. They say try to sleep when the baby sleeps, and for the first time I took the advice to heart, along with others we've acquired.
1. Invest in the best baby monitor you can afford
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is a much dreaded consequence of many unknown factors. There are many theories, but alas, mostly no cause is found. However having a monitor to help you with regulating her breathing patterns make a big difference. We invested in the Angelcare baby monitor set https://www.angelcare-monitor.co.za/
It gave such peace of mind knowing the monitor manages most of your paranoia.
2. Create a decent sleep environment for the partner who is not taking the graveyard shift
My husband and I take turns during the night for night feeds. Usually we decide by around 8pm who is the most tired, they get to sleep first and then we swop over at around 1am depending on when she wakes again.
We decided early on our newborn sleeps in her own nursery - that way at least one of us goes into REM sleep.
So when she woke - you crawl out of bed, baby monitor to silent mode, closing the bedroom door and nursery door on your way out.
This routine made a tremendous difference to our sanity and quality of sleep
3. Online grocery delivery services
One of the few advantages of lockdown is the boom in online grocery delivery options. For a nominal fee you can have fresh produce at your doorstep in an hour. This made a big difference for us in the first week. Making sure we’re fed and healthy in the first few days after our discharge.
Consequences of not eating well will easily be seen in your beastmilk production.
4. Get a decent breast pump - both manual and electric.
Expressing after feeding really helped my milk production in the first week (not that it’s been easy, my milk production took 2 months to catch up)
Using a quality pump made a big difference. I got my hands on a Spectra pump - which sadly the parts aren’t that widely available in South Africa. Its the closest to a hospital grade pump I could find for non-commercial use.
You’ll still spend many hours hooked to a pump, make if efficient and handsfree with the help of a pumping bra.
At night engorged breasts might wake you up in-between feeds. If you choose to ignore it, it might reward your lack of effort with early signs of mastitis.
You can keep a handheld pump ready at your bedside for a quick pumping session to relieve the pressure.
5. Pacing yourself
I was ready for the sprint only to find out my adrenalin wouldn‘t last this marathon.
Just like your baby learns to self-soothe, I‘m also working on my sleep hygiene to facilitate falling back asleep as efficiently as I possibly can.
Put your phone away as soon as you get into bed. If the midnight munchies strike - make sure there’s a high protein low calorie shake handy and drink plenty of water.
6. Establish/ Maintain a routine early on, until you feel confident to deviate
We followed the Baby Sense books by Meg Faure, this really helped us as first time parents understanding sensory overload with our newborn.
In my third trimester I was preparing for my intermediate surgery exams so I never got to read them antenatally.
But my husband read to us aloud while I was in labour, and it was a nice distraction. Even the maternity sister said she learnt a thing or two.
Once your routine is established (feeding 3 hourly, creating a calm space, bedtime routines ext), you can start to take small liberties and see if she adjusts well to them. That being said don’t be too ambitious in the early days.
In conclusion, having a newborn is much harder than we’ve anticipated. None of our friends with kids could have emphasized enough how time consuming such a little one can be. On the other hand, nobody can prepare you for the instant burst of love you feel when you finally meet her for the first time.
Try out these newborn hacks, they made me survive the first week with very few cuts and bruises. I would like to know if they work for you too.
Love
Marguerite
I‘m not being endorsed here and all opinions are my own. It’s not supposed to replace any medical advice.
Follow me @surgeon_mommy
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